


Kiss Me Through The Phone

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Banter, Contests, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, Marriage, Masturbation, Missing someone, Parenthood, Phone Sex, Pining, Romance, Temporary Separation, Touring, Travel, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 09:11:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11033145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: Dan's away on tour, and he misses Holly fiercely.  She suggests a contest to pass the time and ease their lonliness.





	Kiss Me Through The Phone

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of Theseusinthemaze's Plausible Deniability universe. Collection forthcoming!
> 
> I was prompted for: PD 'verse - Dan records a dirty audio for Holly, so his lady love can jerk off when she's got a free moment. Things do (or don't) go as planned.

**Baby, baby, baby, let me see how wet you are!**

Dan had been alone in the bathtub for no more than five minutes before he texted his wife’s number. Holly had left him a couple of teasing, silly notes during the show – scattered among videos of a cranky Feathers and Ross jamming chopsticks up his nose and making whale sounds – and he desperately wanted to follow up on them while Brian was out getting dinner.

A moment of silence passed before his phone vibrated. The sight that greeted him wasn’t sexy at all, but it did make his heart jump – Holly from the shoulders up, with soapy freshly-dyed pink hair, the curly top of Wren’s head pressed against her collarbone. 

_Wet enough for you?_

Dan’s response was instantaneous

**BABY!  
** Can you both get on Skype?!  
I fucking miss your beautiful faces so much. 

It flitted through Dan’s mind that he was turning into one of Those Dads; that his much earlier fear that his life was being overtaken by parenthood was close to coming true.

Then his Skype ap beeped, and he lost all thought of self-preservation. 

Wren was babbling, drumming her hands against Holly’s thighs when the screen flicked to life. “There’s abba,” she sing-songed, and Wren screeched.

Dan’s heart melted. “There’s my birdie!” he said. “Hello baby, hello Wren,” he sang, and Holly’s luminous eyes went brighter. Then, looking straight at Holly, “hello, pigeon.”

She blushed a little bit at his tone, and he grinned at the obvious effect he had on her. It was only fair, he decided; he missed her with a deep, almost primal ache he couldn’t even begin to explain. 

“You look exhausted, honey,” she said.

“Brian’s been snoring, and I thought I’d get a break from it but we had to double up on rooms tonight because there’s a convention in town.” They were doing a back-to-back in Philadelphia and Dan had been occupied for most of the day by tech rehearsals and visiting with (and thus bragging to) old friends – he’d voted for sleeping on the bus but had been soundly outvoted by his compatriots.

“Put in some earplugs,” she suggested. 

“Planning on,” he said, and smiled. “Tell me what my girls did today. And Ross.” He could almost hear Ross snarking his ass off at him from another room in the house.

“Someone,” Holly said, “said two whole new words. And she also tried mashed peas and liked them.”

“Wow, you definitely take after mama Holly there, babe.” Dan smiled. At least his kid had a more varied palate, and hopefully wouldn’t inherit his stomach problems. 

“And we went walking, and Wrenny fed one of the pigeons. The beans loved her,” Holly said. Dan grinned at her. “I,” She added, “had a big coffee and finally turned the corner on my prefabing project, and daddy finished a walk cycle all by himself. What did abba do?”

“Abba got patted down at Philly International, and then got hit in the head with an action figure by a guy who looked like a Hell’s Angel.” It was a long day, but he’d sounded good onstage, and for an hour and a half had felt like his words meant something important to someone.

Holly snort-laughed and his heart filled with joy, as if he were about to shape-shift into a balloon and float right out of the room. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah. I’m gonna have, like, a wicked bruise on my temple for a little while but I’m fine. Brian tried to fight the guy, too.”

Holly smiled at the pad, kissing the soft crown of their daughter’s head. “Sounds like you don’t need me.”

Something in Dan’s stomach just sank, and he shook his head. “I will never not need you. You’re my fucking…” he laughed when Holly muffled Wren’s ears with her palms, and whispered, “You’re my wife. You’re my soulmate. Leaving you would be like cutting a part of me out with a switchblade.” 

Holly’s eyes glittered. She kissed her ring and Dan, knowing this signal too, kissed his and tapped against the screen.

And cursed as he accidentally minimized the window.

When he came back to them, Holly was singing something softly through her nose; it sounded like Loreena McKennit, and she was slightly off-pitch. Dan picked the melody up – on pitch- and watched his daughter drift happily off to sleep in her mother’s arms. 

“I love you. You’re the loves of my life.” Lyrics flashed through Dan’s mind once the words were spoken. These girls, his mother, his sister, his grandmother, even Suzy. The circle of women who surrounded him.

Holly’s smile was sweet, tender. She kissed the phone instead of his lips. “Want me to make it up to you?” She tried to maneuver the Ipad so that he could get a better look at her body.

These were, sadly, no longer the halcyon early days of their relationship – and father-love had slain his boner, anyway. “Not with Wren all snuggled up like that,” said Dan. “But, perhaps…” he stuck out the tip of his tongue. “Gimmie twenty-four hours, and you will receive a sensual aural delight.”

“So you’re gonna send me a smutty message?” she teased him fondly. 

“ _Sexy._ So sexy it’ll melt your panties off,” he said. 

“You’re on,” she said, and Dan noted the tiny glimmer in her eyes and grinned. “But if you don’t get it done…mommy and daddy will be forced to have fun in front of abba, and abba will have to wait his turn for a really long time.”

Dan pulled back his wet hair, snorting. “That is so uncool.”

“And that’s why you’re gonna make me the happiest girl in the house very soon,” she said, and kissed the screen again. “I love you, Fuzzface.”

Dan blew her a kiss and sank into the warmth of his tub. He wished he was there to help her clean her hair. He wished he was there to make love to her.

He wished Brian wasn’t in their room, scolding him for never, ever answering his phone.

Dan sank under the water and decided he’d deal with whatever substitutions Brian had made to his dinner later on.

*** 

“You’re gonna send your lady some dirty talk?”

He and Arin were spooned together in the back of the bus and on Arin’s bunk, sneaking in a little afternoon delight in semi-isolation (between the snoring, Arin’s farting and everyone’s eclectic music choices, their driver had long ago learned to turn on the exhaust fan and look the other way). Dan had been skin hungry after talking to Holly, and Arin had been yearning for Suzy, yearning for Dan. 

The two of them were still fumbling around, their relationship still newish, still occasionally awkward, and it had taken a step sideways when Dan had reamed Arin out over the undercover weirdness Holly’s pregnancy had brought out in Arin’s relationship with Suzy. Dan knew he wasn’t using Arin as a substitute for his wife; he was with Arin because he yearned for Arin’s warmth, his comfort, his dumb poop jokes and his soft belly pressed against his back.

“Yep, I’ve got like, seventeen hours.” Dan pillowed his chin against Arin’s inner arm. “I still don’t know what to tell her. I’m like, worried I won’t give her the performance she deserves.”

“Have you ever noticed the way she looks at you?” Arin replied dryly.

Dan gave him a crooked smile, kissed his chin. “It’s just…y’know. I wanna keep the home fires burning. I don’t know how you and Suzy manage it. I always sucked at long distance stuff and you guys are just sailing.”

“Totally. That’s why she almost kicked me out over the baby thing awhile ago.”

“Shit.”

“Yep.” Arin kissed Dan’s neck. “But we talked about it, and got through it. You and Holly don’t have anything to work through, man – you’re square.”

Dan buried his face against his lover’s warm, clean skin, inhaled Arin’s fragrance. “Wanna go back to talking about hot blowies?”

“Sounds good to me,” said Arin, who kissed the top of his head.

*** 

“Hi, pidge. I’m just…lounging here, in a silk robe, remembering you and imagining what you’re doing right now. Are you as lonely as I am? Just picture this - we’re all alone in a…a jungle, and there are trees waving away over our heads. I’ve just rescued you from a rampaging river, and I’m kissing you. Your sweet mouth, your ears, your throat. You taste gloriously familiar under my tongue, yet you’re an unknown quantity, with your rose-pale beauty. Shall I unwrap your sweetness? Pull your breast into my mouth? Are you just…begging for me toJESUS BRIAN!”

“Some of us need to use the bathroom for practical reasons, Daniel.” 

****

“Hello, baby. So…as you can tell, there’s a sold-out theatre above me that’s aching to see me sing, but right now I’m gonna let the band handle things. Right now I’m gonna spend a little time alone with you.

Y’know, I never asked you if you’ve got any fangirl fantasies. I mean, you’ve gotta dream about me all dolled up in some kinda costume. Like you’ve already met my alter ego but imagine me all done up in a loincloth. Or maybe you’d like a stylish suit? You know I’d wear just about anything for you, and then you’d have the privilege of undressing me…slowly. And for that simple task, I will reward you a thousand times over with my tongue and….woah, woah, what the fuck! Occupied dude! NOT ON MY SNEAKERS, MAN! I told you that sushi was bad news….

Ugh. Hold that thought, baby.”

*** 

A half hour from the deadline, Dan sat in his hotel room tub, listening to Arin and Brian make fun of a movie in the other room. They had enough money to split a suite, but not enough for separate rooms. Dan was beyond caring at this point; he just wanted to untie the Gordian knot of his fantasies at this point.

Dan sighed and picked up his phone. The easiest choice, the simplest choice, was to simply speak from his heart. “Holly, I’m lying in a tub, listening to the water run and remembering how this started. When I close my eyes I still see you framed up in a picture on my phone, and I know you think, like, I’m imagining you naked, or staring at my dick but no. It’s not even that.” He snorted at himself, shook his head. “I remember you laughing and your smile, god, your smile. And your little snort-laugh, which I totally fucking adore by the way, coming through that little screen. And your boobs but…they’re like medium on the list at this point. Like, seriously. I’m so way into you that I can’t see straight half the fucking time.” His hand idly traced his own nipple, down toward his belly, stroking his own skin. “So I’m going to pretend you’re in this tub with me, and we’re gonna go all the way back to those days. But there’s a key difference, a crucial difference, now.” He put on the Sexbang whisper, “I know all of your hot spots, baby.”

He was half-hard by the time he took his cock into his hand, then began to gently stroke it. “Like…if I lick the back of your neck just right you’ll get all goosebumpy. And I know how to make you moan just by nibbling that one spot on your ear lobe. So by the time we’re done making out under all of that sudsy water your nipples will be so hard and perfect and ready for my tongue.”

“And I know,” he let out a deep breath, “how you like to have them licked, when you want me to switch it up from licking to sucking, how when you pull my hair…” He pulled his own hair then and shocked a moan out of himself, “when you want me to give them a little bite. That little sound you make when I kiss your belly because you know what’s coming fucking drives me nuts.”

Dan’s casual stroking had turned far more serious, and his thumb was teasing the shiny head of his cock, making it throb and making him bite down hard on his bottom lip to keep his voice soft. 

“And I know how to kiss you now. How to taste you. All those deep, true primal feelings come out in me when I do that. One little lick is never enough. I’m like fucking way into the way you roll over my tongue, baby.” He grunted, panted, his skin going to gooseflesh under the warm water, his fingertips audibly splashing as they cut through it. “I’m…fuck…going to make you squirt all over my face when I get home. You’re gonna ride my mouth like I’m a fucking saddle ‘til you’re satisfied in every fucking way possible.” He grunted, planted his feet against the bottom of the tub, let the slickness of the bubble bath do its work. “And I know how much you love that, how it burns you up. So when you’re all weak-kneed and soft and you feel so damn loved, that’s when I’ll lay you down and slip Excalibur into that soft heat. 

How do you want this cock, babe? Fast? Slow? Hard? Soft? Any way you want it, I’ll give it to you. Anything you need, until you’re screaming and saying my name and scratching those long lines on my back and holding me hard with your thighs…” His voice was choking up, his hand a blur on his cock. “Until you can’t do anything but hold on while I fuck you. Holy shit, I’m fucking coming, _Holly_ oh God!” Dan lost control of the fantasy, of his goals, of everything but the way the orgasm blind sided him and left him dazed, floating just under the surface of the water, groaning as he milked his own cock dry.

He pressed send guiltily, without checking the time stamp, or bothering to double back on his audio to check the quality. Just about the time he started considering getting out of his own jizz-laden water, his phone buzzed, and he picked up to hear Holly’s voice on the line.

“You’re such a cheater,” she said, her voice sweet and sleepy in his ear, the most loving tone he’d ever heard in his life.

“Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat, baby,” he said.

“Sure, but that was RIGHT under the line,” she said, laughing incredulously. 

“Never let it be said I don’t satisfy my woman.” A pause. “So, can I see?”

“Dan, there’s not much to see. My palm’s all wet..” 

“Mmm. The sexiest wet palm in all the world. Can I see it?”

“Dan!”

“I like to know I have an effect,” he echoed her.

Two seconds later she sent him a selfie, pink-cheeked and smiling, lying in their bed. “You have an effect,” she said.

Dan shook his head, grinned, kissed his ring and kissed the phone. It was too late for her to be up, too late for them both; Wren would soon need tending to. He’d have to get back on the bus, and joy mixed with loneliness. 

He punched a few more buttons before climbing out of the tub, draining it, and heading into the peace of the bedroom.

He plugged in his earphones and cradled the phone like a baby to his chest. The sound of her voice guiding total strangers through the woods lulled him to sleep.


End file.
